Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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