I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
