I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
