Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
