We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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