I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
