My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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