I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
