it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
