Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
North Korea, Best Korea!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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