So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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