Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I won't apologize to a one balled man
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
