I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
