I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
