Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
