i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
