She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
