..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
