i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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