i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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