please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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