you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
