You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
