cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
