Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
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Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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