I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
