if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
