I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
