So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
