yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize