hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
