i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
