Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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