can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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