My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
that is very illegal...i love you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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