I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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