someone threw a dead crab at me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
