Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
