The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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