I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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