I saw his package. It spoke to me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
