i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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