Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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