You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
