i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
