Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize