well I can't set my house on fire every night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Alive.
So much puke
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
