i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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