mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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