So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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