so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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