Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
