I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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