Will you blow on my dice?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
