i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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