i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
