HIV tests are more positive than that guy
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
