My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
