ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
this hospital has no fireball
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
