I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
