I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
