Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
