he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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