at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
