First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
