Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize