Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
