I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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