Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
