i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize